Christine Kelly Reads and Writes

This post brought to you by another day, another babysitter ghosting me.

I feel like no matter where I look someone is mentioning how they’re burnt out in some capacity. How many articles have you read about burnout? A ton? A shit ton? The metric does not exist?

Well, guess what? I got another one for you.

This one, though, I hope to angle it in a different direction. Specifically for those of us who are parents and feeling burnout beyond the 9-5 of which most articles are based on.

A lot of what I’ve read is talking about how the 9-5 grind is HARD. There is no denying it. For many, it’s not 9-5. And for many, who chose to procreate, there is then another job they’re coming home to: parenting.

That job I think is where most people are experiencing the highest level of burnout, even with the world “opening up” post COVID (I would like to say that COVID still is a think so, yea.). And there is no break in site for most parents. Some have the luxury of being able to take breaks more frequently than others. Even so, I think there is a specific struggle for parents in the modern age that our parents didn’t speak about or didn’t deal with.

Part of it I believe is the lack of childcare. And even if it isn’t lacking, it’s just plain ol’ expensive. And listen…I want people who are caring for my children to be compensated. But I also cannot fork over my whole paycheck to cover that. Thus, why many women (yes read that, WOMEN), leave the work force, because it isn’t practical to do that financially.

Not only that, but the cost of living is just that much higher. I recently spoke to someone who makes a decent living, and comparable to a lot of the country, could be considered higher middle class. Yet they feel like for where they live, they are struggling to make ends meet.

Not only can money be lacking, but time is lacking too. My husband works long hours. I work the off hours when I’m not parenting. That leaves little time for what needs to be done (yard work, laundry, cleaning, etc). And while outsourcing is an option for those who can afford it, for the most part we can’t. I will state that we do have a cleaning person come bi-weekly, because otherwise I think my marriage would implode.

Not to mention that when my husband works said long hours, the parenting falls on me. On top of usually already parenting a good portion of the day. And that leaves me short fused, touched out and, well, over it.

But this brings up a great point, because as easy as it is to resent my husband, a great reminder I have is that his job is requiring this of him. He’s part of the capitalistic cog that requires he give his free time (and family time) to this job, assuming there is someone there to pick up the slack. And that’s the spouse. By burning the candle at both ends for both partners leads to very little extra patience for any relationship, albeit with your children, your family, friends, or your spouse.

So, to use my therapy tool, when you start a day with ten spoons, getting the kids off to school takes at least one, maybe two. Going to work and dealing with *things* takes three. After that, coming home, doing dinner, sports, and whatever else you have for your kids you’re taking another two spoons. Then there’s laundry, the dishes, or whatever chores need tending to. Take away another two spoons.

Then you go to bed. At what point have you replensihed your spoons to return to ten. Because I can tell you many days I wake up and I’m not at 10.

And then you do that day in and day out and by the time you’re a month in, do you have any spoons left?

No.

Enter the age of parental burnout.

I wish I was writing this with a solution to share. But, I’m just writing this because I’m feeling burnt out. And I don’t know how to stop this hamster wheel of parenting. But I hope that those of us that have kids can comiserate that it’s pretty brutal out there right now. So let’s be gentle with our selves and each other.

If I can do anything, let me grant you permission to take the time for yourself you feel guilty about. And absolve you of all *feelings* you have about how you parented today. You’re doing the best you can do with the world that we’re in.

Hang in there!