Christine Kelly Reads and Writes

This specifically was prompted by a few different things.

First, I saw an agent leave the industry well before their career had a chance to take off. And it was because of burnout. I commend them for looking out for themselves and doing what they needed to do. I think we can all take away something from that.

I also started really thinking about burnout and the guilt I have around being an agent after my Week In The Life of Agenting went live on Jenna’s Satterthwaite Substack, and I read Kate McKean’s Substack on all the queries she received in a year.

First I want to touch on the big common factor I feel all agents deal with: guilt. We know that it takes a long time to get back to authors, who pour their heart and soul into their book. We never want to keep anyone waiting, and we too also want to find author’s for our list, so we’re hungry to keep searching and reading.

This (I feel), often leads to agents working constantly. Like, at all hours of the day and night. I’m not joking, there was a time that I was reading full manuscripts until 2am in the morning. I know agents that do that now. I commend them!

I also feel that there is the expectation from author’s that if we’re doing anything other than agenting, then WHAT ARE WE DOING?!

The simple answer is: we’re living.

Agenting is much more than a 9-5 job, which typically (especially agents early on in their career), already have 9-5 jobs. So this leads to agents giving up a lot in other parts of their life to be sure we’re not keeping authors waiting, or we’re getting to the talent quickest. And beyond reading it means we’re pitching books, making connections in the industry and more. It’s exhausting. Worth it, but ehausting.

When I wrote the week in the life, I seriously think I vastly underplayed how much I do. I also had a calm week compared to the week that came after (hello stress tension headaches!!). But another thing that I didn’t share that I want to note, is that I have started taking care of myself in hopes to avoid burnout and being able to handle a career in agenting. This eats into my time towards agenting (oh and also my time authoring and my actual paying job).

What does this look like?

Well for starters it means I sleep. And god, I cannot tell you how many days I question whether I need to sleep. Constantly I think, “maybe just tonight I’ll stay up to get some reading done. I’ll be able to handle it tomorrow.” But ten o’clock rolls around and I’m exhausted and I think over my next day and it includes soccer games, a call at 1pm with an editor I want to be “on” for, and well, generally being a good mom (A for effort, right?!).

And here’s the worst part– I FELT GUILTY FOR SLEEPING! I do wake up early, so sometimes that eases it. But overall, I think “Are authors mad I”m not reading their full at 2am? Are they mad I’m not constantly working?” But sense prioritizing sleep, it’s amazing how different I am as a human. Am I perfect, yes! (lol no sorry, ask my husband). But I am a much better mom and that is ultimately what I wish for the most.

Another way I’ve been trying to take care of myself is physical activity. I have gone off anxiety medication because [insert reason here]. There was a slew of reasons. But ultimately I hope and am trying to stay on top of physical activity to mitigate how bad my anxiety gets. I do think it’s helped, which I why I’ve stuck with it. But that eats time out of my day. I try to listen to podcasts, classes or audiobooks so I can be sure I’m doing something toward my agenting while excercising. But sometimes I just need some Chappel Roan or T-Swift to motivate my to get my butt in gear.

Last way I’m trying to be offline more. This, I have a lot less guilt about when it comes to agenting because I’m getting shit done! (10/10 recommend timers on socials!) But on a personal level, I am missing my peeps I met online. Truly, some of my X and Insta friends seem closer to me than many IRL. Which leads me to…

One more thing I am going to start doing to be sure I take care of myself and avoid burnout: Having a life.

For the past year I haven’t done much of anything (unless forced). I keep my weekends as clear as possible and avoid taking my kids to after school activities during the week so we can go home so I can work. And it’s led to a sad realization I’ve let relationships I cherished slide by the wayside because I’m focused on agenting. It’s also really siloed myself away from people I can rely on when I need it (which is often in publishing). I want my life to be a priority (what a concept!). But while I am an extroverted introvert, never having that extroverted moment can be detrimental.

What made me really sink into this realization was that I was with someone that I adore, and I smiled and laughed and it felt unfamiliar. I hadn’t laughed or smiled with a HUMAN (outside my immediate family and even then…), in far too long. And let me tell you, it feels good to smile. It actually can help you feel much better.

So all this to say, TLDR: taking care of yourself shouldn’t be something we are guilty of. We should be able to work towards our goals in a sustainable manner while focusing on what makes us healthy and helps us be happy.

What does all this mean and why am I sharing this apart from the obvious (PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME!)? It means that I won’t sign authors often, and I will be focusing my energy on them over my QM. It means that things won’t go as fast as authors want, but it almost means I’ll prioritize communication so they understand the delay.

I hope this can help provide insight into how agents feel, what we try to do, and how much we truly care about authors.